For me, the beginning was the hardest part. I refused to accept that I was as sick as I was and I refused to acknowledge that I was not going get better any time soon. I was angry and bitter and I ended up alienating many friends because of it. Refusing to accept the gravity of my illness also meant trying and failing to push through symptoms and going to countless doctors searching for answers I was never going to find.
Then there was the bargaining. I remember thinking I would do anything to get better. I would travel anywhere, see any doctor, take any medication, give up anything just to be healthy again. I would lay awake at night begging my body to heal itself. But, of course, it didn't.